Friday, December 30, 2011

2012 A year without Alcohol

They speak of my drinking but never think of my thirst

This is the last day of the year and we all are wondering about our New Years resolution and considering that I have a commitment to make one Million Euros in less than five years I want to share with you, that the challenge is here and its coming true.

I just realized that I need more than one lasting personal goal or project, I have to be into something always at all times it is my nature, and what I have written is certainly too short to do it full justice; but at least I have touched on many aspects therefore I have decided to reform a habit.

I will go 365 days without drinking I know this will require making a conscious choice each and every time I’m confronted with the temptation. It’s not so much about setting a 365 day plan, but rather setting and living a moment-by-moment plan. It is my hope all of these moments of making the deliberate decision to resist the temptation will all contribute to the final result I’m seeking. I want to test my will once again I want to see if I'm able to have that never ending spark while sober if I can resist temptation... I can easily answer yes it is a simple task and I will do it. Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

You may notice the headline for this last post of the year in the form of a statement. The reason for this is because I want it to be clear.

I have always experienced the gap, the thin line in my soul between alcoholism and sobriety as paper thin and always in danger of being erased, I used to always confront myself with the never ending existential problems while having a hangover, and I hate that lack of energy as a result of it. There is plenty of family history to suggest both a propensity and a genetic pre-disposition for alcoholism to surface inside me at any given time. It is a disease I have narrowly escaped most of my life – and I want to continue to do so.

My attempt to go 365 days without drinking a beer or having a glass of wine or Champagne will not erase my tendencies to drink for the wrong reasons and it certainly will not give me any moral ground to stand on if I am indeed successful. I just want to see if I can do it.

Too often, I have reached for alcohol to sooth my anxiety or to make me feel more comfortable when I’m with people I don’t know well. I associate going out at nights with drinking beer, champagne and wines and I eagerly look forward to that first Friday after-work drink, too.

Now, I want to try to experience all of these things without the usual assistance. My inner voice, my inner wisdom, has been suggesting this to me for some time now. Specially realizing that I lost some considerable money during my wild partying. Now It’s time to listen.

Day One started twenty days ago, Dec 11. 2011 Day 365 will be on Dec 11.2012. How I live the days in between will be the challenge. I really don’t have a roadmap or any past experience to draw on for these 365 days. All I have is determination and a hope I will learn new things about myself.

My hope is old wounds that sometimes open and fester with insecurity when alcohol is the instigator will begin to close. I will not be healed or fixed in these 365 days, but there is hope I will have gain valuable personal insight that will help me get the real major goal of a Million Euros.

I’m not sure what will happen on Dec 11. 2012 I can’t say if I will drink again or at what level and frequency. I do, however, have faith and confidence in whatever happens between now and then will be the right thing for me. So, a leap of faith begins.

By making this very public announcement, I’m asking to be held accountable for my actions. Some things in our lives are much bigger than we are. And I am already pleased with all the beauty around me.

Pride and arrogance contribute to our failure when we fail to ask for help. Ironically, it takes confidence and courage to ask. Confidence in that we believe there are people in our lives who care enough to listen and support us. Courage in the sense we want to keep moving forward in spite of the obstacles and pain.

It will be difficult finding alternatives for the Sunday afternoon glass of wine or the cold draft beer during a dinner out. For me it’s just been a matter of habit; a matter of comfort.

Just as the physical act of drinking is a habit, so is the dependency on the calming effect the alcohol provides. Therefore, I may substitute a beer for a glass of cold water, but more importantly, I will need to discover alternatives to finding comfort and peace. This will be the biggest challenge and hopefully the greatest opportunity for me.

Investing more time in reading, writing, investing, improving relationships, exercising and just thinking are seem to be the likely candidates right now. I know a certain degree of peace in my life can be rejuvenated and restored by focusing in these areas. I’m also certain I will find comfort by learning how to take better care of myself.

The thought of truly feeling all of my emotions without the faint haze of melancholy draping over me is invigorating. I’m looking forward to going into a Friday afternoon with the knowledge I can be at peace and content by just being Me; no other assistance will be required.

Some days will be easier than others because it wasn’t my habit to drink everyday. Typically, I would not drink alcohol during the week. It will be the weekends, or being in a restaurant or a night out that will be the most challenging. There is also a vacation planned for later in May that will undoubtedly give me some concern. However, the cliché take it one day at time is the best advice I can try to follow.

I know by heart that if I can manage this challenge I will have a clearer perspective and more energy to focus on my main goal and by now you all know what it let me wish you the Best New Year ever!!! don't forget to let all your dreams come true, keep writing to me, keep investing and above all keep positive the real secret is that there is no secret!!! Happy 2012 and see you on the other side!

No comments:

Post a Comment